The Coupon Butler

Where to begin???

Posted on: May 4, 2010

Well, I am sure this is gonna be a long post (just saying).

I have been home for over a week, and have not been able to blog yet.  I have been trying to gain control over my life.  While we were on vacation we did a good job of keeping up with laundry so it hasn’t been that. Our house was picked up before we left so we didn’t come home to a huge mess either.  For some reason, God has decided this is the time I should SPRING clean my heart.  I have been reading a great book that is making me stretch myself and revisit what is inside my heart.

We homeschool, which means I have 4 kids with me all day, constantly needing something.  CONSTANTLY!  I love them, I really do…however I think I am going to loose my mind lately.  We are at the end of the year and are in our cram mode, trying to accomplish all there is still to do.

Did I mention 3 of my children have birthdays THIS month? Yes, Thursday the 2 yr old turns 3 then on the 24th my oldest turns 10! TEN! (Where has time gone?) That same week the baby turns 2.  CRAZY.  Not only is it fun thinking of themes for the parties, but budgeting them, getting gifts for each child and so on.

This month my hubbie also has MAJOR overtime, which means many nights not seeing him until 9PM…really it means being on FULLTIME duty until 9PM.  Talk about pulling out your hair. HA!

About 6 years ago I went through a really bad depression. I went to a counselor but did not want any meds. I was really worried someone was going to send me to a mental hospital.  In one week I lost 10 pounds by not eating. Not good.  We lived with my parents then and had the 2 boys.  All I could do all day was cry…I was not of any use it was really bad.  I got sooo bad, that I did eventually use the medicine, I hate to think if I wouldn’t have done that…I got better and haven’t needed medicine for that since.  Praise God.

I have been noticing a major swing in hormones the last couple of days…not sure why either.  MAJOR mood issues, no self-control, hair loss, crying ALOT, and very short temper.  (ok so why did I just list my faults in black and white???)  I have NO idea what is going on…pre-menopause? pre-menustration? slipping back into depression?

I have been praying ALOT lately, praying for God to help me stop crying so I can face my kids.  Praying for strength to be honest with my hubbie and tell him I am concerned about what this is.  Praying for knowledge to show me what is the matter.  Praying for patience and CONTROL over my voice.

I never imagined I would be a mom who yells.  I don’t want to be…I need lots of prayer on this one.  I love homeschooling the boys, but I have very curious girls who get into everything while I am out of the room.  

I feel like I am swimming upstream in my own house.  I clean a room and before an hour is up, it is completely TRASHED.  I am trying, and I think/know that the harder I try to get things in order (house and heart) the harder satan is trying to ruin things. I do not want him to get the best of me but it is really hard. 

Satan is really good at giving us inadequate feelings and thoughts.  Telling us that we are not good enough.  It is NOT true.  In this AWESOME book I am reading, Captivating the author states:

You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.

You are passionately hated by his enemy.

That is soooo true. Think about that…God loves us soooo much and at the same time satan hates us that much.  WOW!  You have to keep putting God where He belongs daily, FIRST and making sure satan has no control over your life. The more determined you get, the more determined satan is to mess you up.

Remember that brake issue we had with the van? We still have not gotten a concrete reason of what it is or could be.  It has not been doing it, until we get in the van to leave for vacation it’s 3AM and we pull out of the driveway and it starts.  NOT funny.  We stop at the stop sign at the corner and I say “Wait a minute, we gotta pray!”  We join hands awkwardly in the minivan and I pray for traveling mercies and our vacation.  Enough said, God is in charge and NO more brake problems.  Isn’t that awesome?

My heart desires for a fully committed family for Christ, when you enter our home there is no doubt in your mind that we worship God.  The more I desire this, the more satan is trying to show me otherwise.   I could really use some prayer!  I am asking, if you think about us, please say a prayer for me especially…I want to be a self controlled mom.  I don’t want to be a yelling mom who looses her cool. 

Well, I told you this would be long…if you came looking for a deal sorry.  I have finally pulled the newspapers out of the plastic bag and found the coupons from the last 3 weeks…but now I have to cut them and sort them.  HA! It never ends…


2 Responses to "Where to begin???"

You and your family have already been lifted up. Know that He is IN everything…the trashed house, the stretched time, the challenges of parenting without Frank around and, most importantly, the desires of your heart. He knows your desires and will continue to bless you because of your desire to glorify him, Robin. Sometimes, however, he uses the storms to pour out His blessings. You are not alone, my friend.

I will be praying for you, Robin! Hold on tight and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will be able to make it with God on your side.

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